Where is the prestige in healthy eating?

So the only difference between our eating habits 10 years ago andtoday is that now we know we're eating crap. Still doing it, justfeeling guilty about it. Possibly. A new survey of the nation'seating habits reveals that, despite relentless government campaignsand draconian food labelling legislation, the numbers who slump intoobesity are almost exactly the same. We're eating less wholegraincereals and milk, and more sausages and fizzy drinks - and justabout nobody is managing to get their five a day.

Of the population surviving on empty calories and processedanimal eyelids and arseholes, teenagers - girls in particular - arethe worst culprits. Nearly half are not getting the recommendedminimum iron or magnesium and only seven per cent are eating enoughfruit and veg.

What are we - and by we I mean the adults who are on noddingterms with avocados, cous cous and blueberries - to do about it? Wemust do something. On getting the (excellent) results of a bonedensity scan recently I was asked whether I'd been a keen athletewhen younger. No, I guffawed, nothing could be further from thetruth. Turns out my healthy strong bones were the legacy of neverbeing allowed fizzy drinks as a child.

But banning kids from having fizzy drinks won't work these days -they're on sale in most secondary schools. Perhaps it's time for aradical change in approach. The Government is never going to havethe advertising budget of the mighty food corporations - witness thefeeble animated characters of the Change4Life campaign, pictured, asopposed to the alarmingly eye-catching caveman demonstrating CocoPops Coco Rocks (every bit as unhealthy as they sound). My son, whennine, begged for processed cheese shapes till I made him read theingredients in the middle of Sainsbury's and he had to acknowledgethat if you can't pronounce it, it's probably not natural. But who'sgot time to go through that palaver over every marketed-to-deathfast food?

Here's the plan. Instead of insisting that our children eat uptheir greens and reach for the fruit bowl before the Dunkers, weshould put a premium on healthy stuff and instil a little mystiqueand prestige around it.

It's a high-risk strategy, but the evidence is alarmingly infavour of changing the status quo. Girls between 11 and 18 alwayswant to appear older than they are, so why not give them theimpression that the adults are having all the fun by eating exoticfruit. It certainly worked at Sunday lunch last week - the kids wereoffered sorbets, the adults a huge bowl of chopped up mango andpapaya. Soon enough, my 11-year-old daughter had sneaked the fruitinto the other room, where the children ate up every scrap. Inrestaurants, the kids' menu is often fish fingers or pasta from ajar, so by giving them the accolade of choosing something from thegrown-up list they'll feel more sophisticated.

Of course, that won't work for alcohol - and 12 per cent of girlsbetween 13 and 15 say they drink at least once a week. On that, acarefully nuanced argument about how it gives one very un-supermodel-like stained teeth and cellulite might well help.

It may require more effort than nagging. But we owe it to thenext generation to eat more healthily ourselves, then teach them howto do it - even if it means being so uncommonly cunning that theydon't realise what we're doing.

Vernon has some serious romancing work to do this Valentine's Day

Who'd be Vernon Kay on Valentine's Day? Caught sending sexualtext messages to women other than his wife - glamorous Strictly ComeDancing presenter and all-round sweetie Tess Daly - it's difficultto imagine what he'd write in the card to make everything all right.Not the kind of smutty patter he used for Page 3 girl Rhian Sugden,obviously. Nor the sweet nothings that "four or five" other youngladies were on the receiving end of.

Kay maintains that it was all just harmless fun and that none ofthe virtual flirting ever turned into physical affairs. WhetherDaly, mother of their two young daughters, believes him is not yetknown. It's all rather far from the ideals of Cupid and anonymousbillets doux. Meanwhile the only person likely to be sending Vernona love letter this weekend is John Terry - something along the linesof, "Thanks for getting me off the front pages, love from TrueBlue".

Hard-working families will not be found with the smug mums

Reasons why the internet is a waste of time, part 74. Apparentlythe main political parties are taking their campaigns online totarget, well, people like me. I'm a mum, you see, and mumsnet.com,the website for middle-class parents who want to know whetherSteiner is better than Montessori, or how to get that fiddly fifthdaily portion of veggies (see left) into their little darling, isthe latest battleground between the Tories and Labour.

Both are running adverts claiming that only (insert name of partyhere) is behind the hard-working family. The only problem is, I'mtoo busy actually being a hard-working parent (both at home and inan office) to sit poring over worthy book-group forums and advice onhow to do a weekend break to New York en famille... If Dave orGordon wants my vote, they can tell me to my face, not hide behindthe skirts of the smug mums.

* Sorry to harp on about Valentine's Day, but is this the weekendto re-release that romantical old favourite Pretty Woman back intocinemas? You know the one: bloke goes to hooker, likes her enough tolet her go shopping with his credit card and eventually decideshe'll rescue her from a miserable life. Anyone other than aspiring(is that really the right word?) Wags would do better with BrightStar - bleak, tragic, beautiful - or even Fish Tank - just bleak andtragic - than that tripe.